Making Our Own Choices.

     In, Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson, many words are used frequently to show Anderson's opinion on learning and making mistakes. One of the very first words that I noticed repeating a lot was "grotesque" (11). Now when I read or hear the word "grotesque" I bobble about it. I mainly think of something that is gross and something that one would grimace at. But Anderson's use completely baffled me beyond normal baffilization- if that's an actual word. The grotesques are "all of the men and women the writer had ever known" but "were not all horrible...some almost beautiful" (5). Come again. Say what. Soo it's something in between not quite horrible yet not quite beautiful. Thanks, Anderson that's really helpful. But as I kept reading, I started thinking about the people he is talking about. The people make mistakes when they are "young" (4) and learn from them. Another popular word: "young". The grotesques are young. They are learning what they should do, and what they shouldn't. In "Adventure," Ned Currie, "the young man" is seeing Alice Hindman but he's not fully committed to her. He said things "he did not intend to" (103) which causes Alice to fall more in love with him only to get her heart broken. Alice becomes a grotesque because she learns from her mistake of waiting for Ned to return home after he has moved to the big city and has stopped writing letters. Big mistake, Alice. Big mistake. She lost her youth! After Ned she moves to "a middle-aged" fellow. Clearly, she has grown up. She's no longer young. She's lost her ability to not become a grotesque. Ok, random question. If being a grotesque means you have made a mistake and learned from it, doesn't that mean that everyone is a grotesque?? I don't know. Just a little side plank to think about. Going back to the word "young," later on in the novel, a "young reporter" aka George Williard, is learning from Enoch Robinson. Anderson is connecting the characters to show they are all once young and innocent. However, that innocence doesn't last forever. When George is talking to Enoch, Anderson writes, "The old man dropped into a chair...'I thought it might be a good idea to tell you but it isn't" (176). Enoch is going to warn the young George Williard of what is going to happen and what to do and not to do. But if he does, George won't learn. He will, but he won't for himself. He will be wondering how things could have been different. Anderson is commenting on how when other people give advice on what to do and not to do, someone doesn't truly learn. I mean yes they learn and get the idea, but there's always the wonder of what if. What if I did go to that party? What if I did get those boots? What if I went to a thirteen dollar movie instead of buying my sister's birthday present? What if. We all have to learn for ourselves. We can learn from others but it's not implanted into our brains.

God visited Winesburg, Ohio!

Usually, I don't pick up too easily on Biblical references in novels or poems or what-have-you. However, a recent assignment of looking for repetitive words got me thinking in a different way. What am I seeing over and over? What does it mean when it's in every story? In Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson, biblical references can be found in just about every chapter. To start, in "The Book of the Grotesque," the old man is having his bed fixed by a carpenter. Immediately, I thought of Jesus and how he was a carpenter. The old man's bed is getting fixed because he wants to see out the window. That got me thinking of when Jesus healed the blind man in John 9 NIV when the blind man "came home seeing." No, the old man is not blind, but he still isn't seeing. By not seeing I mean he doesn't know what's going on in his life anymore. He thinks of death frequently and every time he does he sees what he has done in his life again. As ridiculous as it is, it reminds me of a quote from The Santa Clause, "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing." Yes, corny, I know. But if the old man can't see out of the window, he's not seeing what's out in the world, or his reflection, or even just a different view. Therefore, the carpenter helps him see.
~Next, in "Hands," there is a "long field...that had produced only a dense crop of "yellow mustard weeds" (9). In Mark 4:30-32, it is said that the "grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown, grows up, and becomes greater than all the herbs, and puts out great branches, so that the birds of the sky can lodge under its shadow." What I see is that the "fat little old man" (9) is hiding in the mustard weeds. He is hiding from society and the weeds provide the perfect shelter as if he is a bird that hides under the shadow.
~Then in "Paper Pills," there are "twisted little apples" (19) which reminds me of the Garden of Eden. The apples have been sent to people in different cities. Now thinking about the Garden of Eden, the apples tempted Eve, who later gave it to Adam. Because the apples in the Garden of Eden represent sin, the apples that are sent out to people show their sins and how they can be considered "grotesque" (11). Also in "Paper Pills," the girl had a dream "three times" and after the third time, she realizes what has happened. Peter, in Matthew 26 NIV, hears the rooster crows three times before remembering what Jesus had said about denying his acquaintance. Again in "Nobody Knows," George Willard "walked up and down" the street "three times" before he went into the store to get a cigar (47). He, like Peter and the girl, realize after three times what is going on. Third time's the charm, right?
~The last one, is most likely just me going off on an idea that makes no sense whatsoever. In "Death," Elizabeth Willard, dies not only on a day in "March," but also on a "Friday" ( 233). Who died on a Friday? That's right! Jesus was hung on the cross! When do Christians celebrated Easter? That's right! March! Or April if you want to get technical about it.
~I know there is more because there's always something else in a book to dissect either deeper or from a different point. So, if you find any, I would love to hear it!!

Neutral Tones

By Thomas Hardy

We stood by a pond that winter day, 

And the sun was white, as though chidden of God, 

And a few leaves lay on the starving sod; 

     -They had fallen from an ash, and were gray. 

Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove

Over tedious riddles of years ago;

And some words played between us to and fro

     On which lost the more by our love

The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing

Alive enough to have strength to die;

And a grin of bitterness swept thereby

     Like an ominous bird a-wing...

Since then, keen lessons that love deceives, 

And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me

Your face, and the God curst sun, and a tree

     And a pond edged with grayish leaves. 

     Talk about a depressing poem!! I thought my breakup wasn't good but clearly Thomas Hardy was having a much harder time than I was. There is soo much to look at in this poem that my brain is kind of just buzzing around. To start, the words Hardy uses aren't exaclty pleasant. But I really do like his word choices! The words he picks really makes the poem and helps with the after-effect. Ok, so, the couple is at a pond-not a lake, not a river, not the ocean. A pond: an area of water that stands still. No movement and when I think of ponds I think of the icky green junk on the top of the water. I think of frogs too which makes me happy but that's the opposite direction that this poem goes in. The pond is still like the relationship the speaker is in. There is no moving part. Secondly, it's winter. A winter pond, probably frozen over, the air is probably cold, there are a few dead leaves left, and the sun is white. With the pond being frozen over, the life in the pond has gone to the bottom and there is a chance of ice on top. The leftover dead leaves resemble the life that was once there and the memories of it. The speaker's memories are with him or her, but they are no longer good and living. With the white sun, the situation can be innocent. That's interesting because everything else seems to be dead and already over while the sun is innocent. Kind of counteracting each other, yes?

     The line that boggles me is "The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing." Basically, the speaker is saying that even the smile that used to give him joy means absolutely nothing anymore. Ouch! I mean when I look at someone that I used to have feelings for and he is smiling I smile too! I don't think to myself, "Oh, he's smiling. He's dead to me." No! I think about all the good things we once had. Have you noticed that? Maybe it's just me, but the people who are in my life seem to focus on the bad things that happen, not the good. I don't see how one can just forget the good and only take the bad. And then not being completely dead and having the strength to die?! What?! The speaker is pretty harsh! And then it's followed by a "grin of bitterness." Who does that?! Well, ok I just thought of something. Evil people do that. They grin when they have done something bad or evil. So the speaker is evil and sly.  

     I'm also getting a feeling that the speaker has been hurt by love. If the speaker wanted to remember all the good times he or she had with his or her lover, he or she wouldn't be comparing it to death. The speaker will not be able to love the same again and will have trouble loving again. He or she is clearly very hurt and affected by this end. The speaker is now living life thinking about this one breakup. The speaker is living in "Neutral Tones!" 

Clinging onto Memories

"The sounding cataract

Haunted him like a passion: the tall rock,

The mountain, and the deep and gloomy wood, 

Their colours and their forms, were then to him

An appetite, a feeling, and a love,

That had no need of a remoter charm, 

By thought supplied, or any interest

Unborrow'd from the eye"

When I first read "Tintern Abbey," I didn't take much out of it. I usually don't when I read poems for the first time. But after reading it numerous times and intensely dissecting it in class, I began to understand what William Wordsworth was writing about. Wordsworth is remembering how his memory was a strong feeling for him and that nothing was better. He is remembering how he, when in a bad spot, can look back and remember how peaceful and beautiful the abbey was. The only thing I don't understand is his word choice for his good memory. The word "haunted" really nags me. It's as if the memories were always with him but he didn't want them to be. The words "deep" and "gloomy" also raise my curiosity because if it's a good memory, why is Wordsworth using words that are usually paired with bad things? If I was to use "deep" and "gloomy" I would say, "I was deep in the quick sand" and "The graveyard was gloomy." Those are bad things. Not good things. "Tintern Abbey" remind me of my favorite place in the mountains. I go every summer and I would certainly not use those words to describe my time. Actually, I take that back. I would use "deep." But I would say that we go "deep" in conversation. We have a "haunted chapel." Maybe that's how Wordsworth is using them but that is not how I interpreted them.
Mary Shelley incorporates "Tintern Abbey" into Frankenstein because Victor is mourning the death of Henry Clerval when she brings it in. Victor is thinking about how that beautiful world in nonexistent for him anymore because he has released this awful creature is destroying his life and everyone he cares about. Victor believes that he will never again live in peace and quiet. Victor is also leaning towards that good memory because he doesn't have anything else that's good at the moment to help him get through the death of Clerval. To Victor, the words of "Tintern Abbey" remind him of Clerval and how he had helped him in many ways. Clerval helped him basically come back from almost dying after Creature is released into society. Clerval also helps him in a way he doesn't know. Clerval goes with Victor to be with him when he creates a female creature. Victor realizes his memories of Clerval is all he has left. But that also haunts him because he is the reason Clerval died. If he hadn't created Creature, Clerval would still be living. Victor is realizing the deaths around him are his fault. He now wants to go back to that place where he was happy and not surrounded by death. Victor knows he can never have that same moment back and that everything is changing. He, like Wordsworth, looks back on that perfect moment and clings onto it. They both keep it close to them and think of it often. 

"If you had a chance to change your fate, would you?"

When I walk into a movie theater, I don't plan to analyze a movie in a literary way. Especially when it's an animated-children's movie. But as I watched Brave, I couldn't help myself at analyzing it. There was sooo much to think about! To begin, Merida, has bright red hair. I mean bright red hair. I didn't think anything of it at first. Then again, as the movie went on, I noticed she was daring and ambitious and wild. Her hair is a big poof fall of frills-which to me meant she was all over the place, as she was. She didn't want to be the princess she was destined to be. She was in that awkward stage between teenager and adult. She could still be a child but she wanted to be able to have adult conversations. She didn't want to marry someone she didn't love. Like most of the other Disney princesses, she wanted to fall head over heals for someone. She wanted the power to decide her fate. When it comes down to three bachelors participating tournament to see who wins Merida's hand, she rebels and says "I am Merida, and I'll be shooting for my own hand" which of course aggravates her mother who is doing her duty of queen. Speaking of her mother, her mother has long brown hair that is laced up tight and is very graceful and in control. As usual, there is a hidden female character that is the one really pulling the strings. Her long, straight hair shows she is wise and is used to sticking with the rules. Her mother is the only one in the family who has brown hair. Also, Merida's dad and three brothers are also more ambitious and less likely to follow the rules. When Merida decided she is sick of everyone making decisions for her, she escapes to a witch for help. As we can anticipated, the witch's potion did what Merida asked for, but not in the way she was thinking. Merida's mom is now a bear- the beast of their clan that everyone wants to kill. In an instant, the queen who keeps everything on track, is what everyone hunts. Merida and her mother learn how to understand each other without words and with actions. They have to put their differences aside, and work together to keep Merida's mom alive. In the end, Merida ends up saving her mom with her fierce ambition and learning a very valuable lesson. Never go to a witch for help. But she also learned to look at the other side of the story and see their reasoning. My favorite part in the entire movie is at the end when Merida and her mom ride their horses together, both of their hair down, blowing in the wind freely. Her mom has realized her daughter is not going to be who she wants her to be. Merida is going to be her own person. It also reminds me of everyday problems of mother's knowing exactly who their daughter is going to be before they are even born. I love that I can actually look deeper into movies now and see hidden puzzle pieces. I am solving the mystery to certain words, certain colors, and certain features. With that being said, "If you had a chance to change your fate, would you?"

Look at me for who I am. Not what I look like.

Over the summer, I was planning on reading a lot of books. Starting off with summer reading. I wanted to get that done first so I could relax and enjoy the summer with less-brain-occupational books, if you will. But that didn't happen. Summer took it's course and I got busy with all the fun things summer throws at you. However at the end of summer, I didn't have some time to start reading Look Me in the Eyes by John Elder Robinson. Robinson as a young boy was ostracized. He didn't understand why until a few years ago. Robinson has Aspergers-an Autism like disease that makes socializing difficult. Robinson knew he was different because his classmates would talk with him and he wouldn't say that they wanted him to say. He didnt understand that they liked small talk. He was talking like an adult and thinking like one before they were. Ok something just hit me like a wall of bricks. Creature from Frankenstein is like Robinson! Both outliers and both rejected. For different reasons, yes but same idea. Robinson was rejected because he acts different from so called "normal" people and creature just looks different. Funny now society works isn't it. Do one thing the wrong way and you might as well move to East Africa or a secluded ice cave. I well see that society hasn't changed one bit. Differences are looked down upon. This is the subject that boils my blood. I mean boils my blood. Can everyone stop focusing on themselves and how others are different and stocks on how others a different in their own way? Apparently it's hard to do because we can't seem to get over the fact that people are different. Poor creature started off will a good heart and a bad appearance. He was rejected immediately by his creator and everyone he encountered. Robinson, on the other hand, is the opposite. He looks "normal" but the way he acts is different than what society expects. While at a party, Robinson asked something along the lines of "What's easier to put in a garbage truck,  bowling balls or babies?" First I thought about how weird of a question that was. Second I hoped I had the right answer. Robinson said, "Babies. Because you can use a pitch fork." Who says that. Who thinks like that. That is what I first thought. Society has trained me to noticed the weird and either stay away or gossip about. Am I proud of that? No. Do I want to change it? Yes. It's a lot harder than I thought. In the past couple of weeks I have been trying to be more open minded and give more people the benefit of the doubt. While doing so I've noticed how harsh people are. Including my own family. It's easier to judge those who you do not know, harder to judge the people you do. Maybe that's because we judged them at first and thought "oh, I can see myself being friends with her." There's never a moment where we aren't thinking not to do or to do something. Our brains are always churning about who slept with who, who got a new haircut, or how ugly her labradoodle mix is. So this week, think about creature and Robinson. Think about how you would feel if what you think is normal is different to society. What would you do?

For Each Morning

"For each new morning with it's light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything thy goodness sends." 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I absolutely love this quote not only because it is a great prayer but also because it helps me remember what I should be thankful for everyday. I have friends, and food, and I am thankful to wake up in the mornings and start a new day. I thought of Frankenstein's creature because he didn't have "love and friends" but he had everything else. He woke up in the morning and got food or kept trucking along with his sad and lonely life. I had trouble with my feelings towards creature because I felt bad for him because he didn't have anyone. But then I was angry at him for murdering William and Elizabeth. It was just a back and forth, back and forth feeling for me. I felt especially bad when he had spent so much time helping the DeLacey family and learning from them and they ended up rejecting him. If only they could hear his story and realize what he had gone through. All of the trekking by himself and hearing screams every time he went for a walk around people. How miserable would you be if that was you? I would never ever ever EVER be happy. I wonder if I would turn to the same paths creature took. If my creator and the world rejected me, how would I react?? Would my creator be able to listen to me like Victor did to creature?? I'm surprised Victor didn't drop dead with a heart attack after exchanging a few words with creature! After all the suspense of finding creature and killing him all Victor did was listen. Was it really that hard? I mean c'mon. Yes he's a murder and quite hideous but it's one simple conversation. Creature had "rest and shelter" and "food" but he didn't have "love and friends!" I think that's the second most important part of Emerson's quote. We, as humans, obviously need food to survive, but being alone is what truly scares me. When I think of growing up, I'm not scared of not having food or shelter, I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of dying alone. And that is where I feel the strongest sympathy towards creature. He did die alone. But what flips the coin of anger is when he kills Elizabeth! If I was sad and lonely and just downright miserable, I would not want to inflict that on anyone else. However, I do see where creature was coming from. Creature was able to ask Victor to create another creature. He had the chance but it was destroyed. I, on the other hand, might just turn out to be a frog lady. I might not have the opportunity. Creature's mate, if you will, was right there in front if him, literally. He was watching Victor as he made and destroyed her. And that is what destroyed him and what would probably destroy me too.